somatic semantics 090
i’m increasingly curious about what — if anything — can feel easy and i would like for this space to lend itself this exploration
hi hello,
welcome to the ninetieth issue of somatic semantics.
it’s been a while since my last letter. i find it increasingly difficult to return to this space, to piece journal entries together in a remotely coherent format, to share them here (or anywhere, for that matter).
i spend most of my time in a catatonic state, in the limitations of a body that refuses to (be) work(ed) — that refuses to earn (a living). i live between my bed and my couch, sometimes making it from one horizontal space to the other. on good days, i go for a walk. on exceptional days, i jog a little. the only constant is my endless stream of silly little shows, the fictional characters and reality tv contestants, the archetypes of our relational economy. everyday i observe their behavioural patterns and wonder about my own. when i’m able to exit my pre-verbal state, it’s almost always to send a voicenote to a friend about what this or that person did on this or that show.
for eighteen months i came to somatic semantics on a weekly basis, sharing loosely assembled thoughts on (dis)ability, on (im)possibility, on (in)evitability. i’m grateful to every single person who has found their way to this space, who has helped me excavate questions from (st)illness. thank you for being here with me. in the spirit of somatic semantics, of honouring limitations and acting within them, i’ll be adapting this virtual space to what now feels possible and exciting to share.
as time progresses, as my body thaws from three decades of fawn and freeze responses, i’m increasingly curious about what — if anything — can feel easy and i would like for this space to lend itself to this exploration. a recent conversation with my dear friend saad reminded me that witnessing has always been simple. watching tv has always been both easy and soothing. as a neurodivergent child who was experiencing sexual abuse, tv was a place where i could participate in human interactions from a safe distance while also identifying dangerous and/or socially (in)acceptable patterns. anyone who knows me knows that tv (and, overtime, pop culture at large) has always been my primary comfort — the easiest way to leave my body while remaining in the world. perhaps this is why i experience great joy when discussing pop culture with friends, because in these moments i’m present (and therefore embodied), connected and safe.
“whether we're talking about race or gender or class, popular culture is where the pedagogy is, it's where the learning is. so i think that partially people like me who started off doing feminist theory or more traditional literary criticism or what have you begin to write about popular culture, largely because of the impact it was having as the primary pedagogical medium for masses of people globally who want to, in some way, understand the politics of difference.” – bell hooks, cultural criticism and transformation
starting next week, i’ll be hosting bi-weekly zoom editions of the clap back, a space i developed in 2015 to collectively process what we’ve been watching/listening to and how it relates to our lives. i hope you’ll join me every two weeks and share your hot takes on pop culture. if you live in tiohtià:ke/montreal and you’ve been to the clap back, you know what to expect.
here are the topics of the first three gatherings:
monday may 20 from 6:30 pm to 8pm – bbl drizzy + misogynoir + virtue signalling
follow this link to add next monday’s event to your google calendar. i’ll also (re)share the zoom link on the day of the event.
monday june 3 – baby reindeer and jerrod carmichael reality show: cringe + self-loathing + the performance of sexual liberation
monday june 17 – is it almost more fascinating to watch selling sunset + selling the oc (and all other real estate franchises) as the concept of land ownership/(settler) colonialism is being globally dismantled?
please join me if any of these topics speak to you and together we’ll adapt my substack to my current needs. i hope you’ll tag along for this part of the journey.
i leave you with julius eastman and devonté hynes’ evil nigger:
with love + light,
nènè